Everybody's got their little story to tell

Aaaaaaaand two years later, I'm doing great, working at a costume shop in Champaign; I'm making things, have a jewelery shop online: www.yesyesdesigns.etsy.com; I'm in a fantastic band making fun music: www.myspace.com/dukeofuke; and I'm married to a wonderful person who showed up on my doorstep one day!
And we made neat Halloween costumes:



YAY!

I just wrote this email to my friend Tim:

I can't believe I'm up right now. For some reason, the misty spring night here had me wanting to be out in it drinking black coffee and dreaming about being a writer and stilt walker. Yes, a sudden urge to become a decent stilt-walker seized me and it is now my summer goal.

I'm also procrastinating getting my resume into shape. It seemed good enough until Anna looked it over and told me to change things. That's why I love her.

Tomorrow is pay day and I feel like my life is being transposed into a different key, C major, I think.

This job opportunity--whether or not I get it--has got me thinking that I can do anything again, and that I have valuable skills to share. I've been in a career slump for about a year and a half now, maybe longer. These months of working at a grocery store have been depressing; I didn't like remembering that I had a college degree. It made me feel worthless that I could be in a field of work I enjoyed and that mattered to me. I think that loss of self-esteem carried through to all the rest of my life...god, I miss writing. It makes me want to cry, writing to you this much, like this, telling stories and making stuff up, putting things together. I was scrambling to be an adult and take care of myself, and I forgot what I loved for a while there, I forgot that after knowing how to do the basic survival stuff--food, shelter, taxes--that I needed a reason to survive. The reason is coming back now, regardless of whether or not I get the job.

I can't wait to talk to you again,
your friend,
Lorene

Since October, I've been working on putting together a zine of comics by myself and my coworkers at Strawberry Fields. It is in its final stages now and almost fit to print. I would like to post my comics and drawings here on LiveJournal, so that's what I'm going to do.

Meanwhile, I'm not sure what I will charge for the zine, but it should be around $2-ish. Let me know if you want one--it is going to be quite good.
Here is one I put in the zine:

Here is one I did not put in the zine:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAGH AAAAAAAAAGH AAAAAAAAAAGH!

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<i'm>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAGH AAAAAAAAAGH AAAAAAAAAAGH!

<THIS IS ME SCREAMING ABOUT MY LIFE>

<I'M ALLERGIC TO MY LIFE>

I keep making these comics because I'm unhappy. I don't want the comics to go away once I'm happy, but I'm sick of being unhappy and nothing, no high-falutin' compassion bla bla bla cuts through it. I want to move in the spring. I want to go back to Chicago, I want to be near my folks, I want to go home.

You know those making of documentaries about film puppet special effects? I want to be one of those engrossed people hand-tying human hair onto the rubber monster suit. That or something like that.

Good lord, I am becoming mildly obbsessed with this brilliant publication!
Sod couch! My god, people!

http://www.readymademag.com/feature_6_sodcouch.php

And the wheel turns, and I'm in a creative mode again, not a moping or straining-for-money mode. Been painting first thing in the mornings this week; I think I'll make it a habit. I'm entertained by my dreams of old-timey steam boats crashing down from the sky into the sidewalk, and of finding the perfect little vacuum cleaner. I'm writing them down a bit too.

But here's the cycle I'm afraid of: just as I get into a groove, just as I feel great about myself and garner deep enjoyment from my creative works and life, just as I become an abundance of ideas to put into action, and have the tools in place to do it, I meet someone. And for whatever reason, that someone becomes the locus of all my creative energy. And the far flung wildly colorful ideas all fade and focus on this one other and I use all that energy to keep him happy and keep him around.

Maybe if I'm aware of the pattern, I can step out of it, become even more committed to me, realize that whatever it is I see in that other person is within me in abundance. I have whatever they have. There's no need for all my energies to come gushing out like a cut jugular. It often overwhelms the other person anyway, because they don't see what I see.

There is no one yet. I've been very very happy going to bed early and painting my goofy watercolors in the mornings, living in my creative mess, dreaming about all the books I want to read and all the movies I want to write, the animations I want to begin drafting. Been dreaming about where I need to go, what I need to do. Was talking to my friend Neal last night and he said it's not the where that makes you creative or happy, it's the friends and the energy you have about you that makes it. So you can be anywhere and as long as you are pleased with yourself and your friends, you'll be happy. He lives in Kentucky and complains about it a bit, so I believe him.

Tomorrow I embark on my Dallas adventure.
Send me prayers of safety and enlightenment!
I work in the morning at Strawberry Fields from 7am to 4:30pm if anyone wants to see me off or give me flowers like dem_witted did yesterday.
I should be sleeping, but I was packing and setting up my MK outfits.
My friend Boyd said tonight, "You are going to have a blast. Remember, these are YOUR people." I like that. My friend Boyd has suddenly stepped into my life again to support and love me.

Insight (did I mention this on here already?) (If I did, here it is again):
self love is having a trampoline...fun by yourself, fun with friends!

Whenever I feel threatened or intimidated by someone I just think, "Trampoline!"

I'll be back Thursday afternoon for anyone who's interested in my report.

xoxo,

Lorene

I got a full-time job!
At Strawberry Fields!
As a cashier!
Slap my hand!

My Dad is in a hospital in Little Rock, AR after breaking his hip on a road trip for my brother.

My mom called me crying today, saying "don't worry about me, I don't want you to be depressed." She also said this whole thing has been an eye-opener for her and Dad, realizing what they really want to do with the "rest of our time on Earth."

I suggested we move to Little Rock. It seems like a good-sized town. I've never been there. I was looking at the little rock craigslist and things are cheaper there than from Chicago where my parents have been. They have been wanting to move out of Deerfield forever. My Dad wanted to retire somewhere touristy so he could paint portraits on a beach somewhere.

I have some plans for my near future, such as work for a year, then go to Chicago for 5 months to study at the Aveda Beauty Institute. However, plans make God laugh. I am free. Though I love my friends here, and I love the town, and the local music scene, and the bars and the shops and the flowering trees, I am not tied down to anything here. I have no house, no boyfriend, no kids, and at the moment, no job. That may change later today--Strawberry Fields may call--but the Mary Kay thing I can do anywhere.

Regardless, I will visit my Dad there soon. After Dallas, I think.

I love

this

man.

gunthernet.com

Louise Hay says of stiffness:
Probable cause: ridgid, stiff thinking
New thought pattern: I am safe enough to be flexible in my mind

of spasms (of which I've been having in my left shoulderblade:
Probable cause: Tightening our thoughts through fear
New thought pattern: I release, I relax, and I let go. I am safe in life.

of respitory diseases (congestion, colds, flu, sinus problems):
Probable cause: Fear of taking in life fully.
New thought pattern: I am safe. I love my life.

Notice a pattern here? My need to be safe in my world is manifesting as disease. The little voices (like screaming baby birds, gaping) say "how can we be safe here, in this sublet, with the housemate that doesn't like us? How can we be safe here, when you're not making any money? How can we be safe when you are traveling all over without a cell phone? How can we be assured of anything? No one is stable! No one is sane! No one is sober! No one really loves us! How can we be safe?"

and I say shhhhhhhhh. I am held by the universe, by God, by my friends, by my family. I am not fragile. I am safe.

Not having a cell is my commitment to knowing the world is safe and good and is going to take care of me. It's been going well so far. I want more comitments like that do daily trust falls into the arms of the world.

Out-of-town friends are visiting and I'm fighting to not be sick. My friend Beth said, "Lorene, don't get sick. You can have the things you want when you're sick, except you don't have to be sick to have all the things you want." This is true. The trouble is I want to be anti-social and listen to This American Life and be in my pajamas all day. And eat liverwurst and beans. And not do anything particularly productive or creative. And not take care of business. And sleep. And drift in and out of sleep. And not clean my room. And not be 100% available all the time. I've had trouble doing this while not having the excuse of being ill. What Beth said made me realize that I actually don't know the meaning of "me time". I've known of it's importance to my friends, and encourage and honor other people's "me time", but when I'm by myself, it's felt like something I do because no one else is around. I think I am scared to death to really meet myself. Spend time getting to know me. This is changing.

The other day I went to eat out by myself. I never do this for fear of looking lonely. But I realized that, unflatteringly enough, I think about pretty much the same things when eating out with friends, and that is, I think about whatever is on my plate that I'm putting into my face. My companion could be saying something life-changing and I'll be sitting there thinking "Sandwich, sandwich, sandwich. Ooo, pickle. Sandwich sandwich." So, it's good to know that I'm okay with that. I still like going out to eat with my friends, and I'm still going to be easily distracted.

My life is shifting into a good phase, where the phrase of the month is "I'm full of shit." It's a helpful little thing, knowing that. Whatever I'm fretting and brooding and getting pissy about, mostly, I'm full of shit. I make up stories to upset myself and that separates me, and keeps me from really connecting with people I love. That doesn't serve me anymore and I'd rather be happy. I'd also rather be myself, and not this glitter-bomb, loud, color splash performer/cheerleader all the time. It gets tiring to be "on" like that. My friend Amy said to me the other night, "I like the quiet, more subdued Lori just as much as the loud colorful Lori" and I think I do too. But what I really like is the real possibility to be either, both, or neither.

I need to make sure that I don't come off as pushy when I talk to women about Mary Kay.
Suggestions?
I also need to pay my rent.
I know I have a really neat service here that people want, and I don't ever want to sound sleazy about it. gah. At least make up is easier to talk about than sex toys.

On the upswing, I talk to a lot of strangers yesterday and got a good response. Today I did not feel so bold. I am still full of hope about my future as a sales person, and that feels good to know it is something I can always do.

Time for SSP (Shameless Self-Promotion) people! *trumpet flounce*

I got a tower of MK inventory today and aim to USE IT!
So what I'm really saying is...
Who wants a free facial? 'Cuz I wanna give 'em to you! I need lots of practice and It's my goal to do up 20 people by the end of May.
Can you people tell people that I need people?
If so, then good lord call me.

I am soon to move out of my little room here at the Hublers. Come June 1st, I will be a block away on Illinois Street in a summer sublet. From there, I will move in with my puppet-making composer friend, Mark--that's the going plan at this point. Leaving the Hublers will be:
a) sad to go
b) tough to start cooking for myself again
c) AMAZING to have more space!! Yay!

They are the warmest, most generous, most kind-hearted people I've ever lived with.
But I'm not gone yet. 3 more weeks.

Free Will Astrology:

Aries Horoscope for week of May 11, 2006

Verticle Oracle card Aries (March 21-April 19)
I did something today that's an apt metaphor for the task you have ahead of you. While driving my 1997 Honda Accord on the streets of San Francisco, I had to drive very slowly and gradually while ascending a steep hill. I kept my foot on the gas pedal just hard enough to keep the vehicle from sliding backward as I inched upward at two miles per hour. It was an exercise in supreme concentration: I had to be delicate and focused while prodding a one and a half ton beast. Just as I pulled off this feat, Aries, I believe you'll be able to accomplish a comparable version of it.

I am indeed playing the Red Line Tap this evening:
Red Line Tap
7006 N.Glenwood
Chicago, IL 60626
773-274-5463 or
773-465-8005
on the website: http://www.heartlandcafe.com/rl_index.htm
Saturday, April 29
The Blind Robins
The “Duke of Uke”
$5, Rock/Americana
Show at 10 pm

we're good. come see us.

love,
Lorene

Hey every peoples! Come see the puppet show I've been slaving away at!
This Saturday, 2pm, Busey Bank parking lot for the Urbana street theater festival!
It's about grandmothers and questioning the status quo idea of "freedom".
You'll laugh, you'll think, you'll dig it.
Plus there's a whole bunch of other rad goings on about town this weekend. I don't know how to do one of those neat hyper links, so here:

********************************************
Here's a suggested
DOWNTOWN URBANA TOUR
********************************************

FRIDAY EVENING:
... leave work early ... come park your car/bike in the parking deck off
Main Street and then ...

... listen to the Acoustic Roots Music of the Javelinas at the Library
(4-5:45 PM) ...

... have dinner under the setting sun at the Iron Post to the tunes of the
Boneyard Jazz Quintet (5-7 pm)....

... stroll down Main street where there is artwork hung in nearly every
window by Rebecca Rohloff, Sandra Ahten, Tyler Blen, Heidi Kellner, Ralph
Roether, Kelly White, Taylor Schmidt, world folk art, and others (up all
weekend) ...

... stop next to Crane Alley at 115 W. Main for a brief art talk by Glen
Davies at 5:30 PM ...

... check out the opening soiree for an exhibit by Jason Lamb at the
Community Design Center (112 W. Main - until 9 pm) ....


FRIDAY NIGHT:
... go to the Independent Media Center in the downtown post office
building where the Late Night Space, under the artistic direction of Jason
Finkelman, is just heating up (9pm - 2 am - $5-7) ...

... travel through a sound installation into light and video installations
...

... view the works of Boneyard featured artist Patrick Harness ...

... check out the work by Cherry Alley Artists, a new art collective in
the lower level of the IMC - Rebecca Rohloff will be selling mixed media
pieces, jewelry, and prints (Saturday 12-5 as well)...

... and enjoy live music late into the evening by Alma Afro-Beat Ensemble,
Brandon T. Washington, Ear Doctor, Environmental Encroachment, Nu Orbit
Ensemble, and Triple Whip (until 2 am) ...

GO TO SLEEP

SATURDAY MORNING:
... come to Lincoln Square for coffee and croissants at the Art Mart ...

... check out artwork by various artists at International Galleries ...

... hear an art talk by muralist Lee Boyer in his studio (10:30 am) ...

... check out the Festival of Quilts ($5 entrance to benefit Cunningham
Children's Home - goes on all weekend) ...

... visit Milo's to view the hand painted photographs of Cali
Hobgood-Lemme ...

... bring your kids to the Kid Creation Station in the north hall of
Lincoln Square (12-5pm) ...


SATURDAY LUNCH:
Choose from:

Uncommon grounds is the new Cafe in Lincoln Square
Music by Chilean-American guitarist and singer Karina Lepeley at Noon

Strawberry Fields
Music by Maria & Co from 11-1pm

Siam Terrace - 212 W. Main
Music by the Jazz Cats 1-3pm

Crane Alley - 115 W. Main
Visual art by Taylor Schmidt

Cali's Cocina in Lincoln Square
Visual art by Lee M. Boyer


SATURDAY AFTERNOON - ART TRACK
... come to the Cinema Gallery at 120 W. Main to view the group show of 45
artists - live guitar and vocal performance by Barb Hamilton from 1-2 pm
...

... turn the corner onto Broadway to visit downtown's newest hair salon -
H2O - 109 N. Broadway to see the visual art of Sarah Ritz and Ashly Keifer
(10am - 7pm) ...

... cross the block to Race Street (named after the race track near the
County Fair Grounds) and down the little known Griggs Street (named after
the person largely responsible for bringing the U of I to Urbana) to
Griggs Street Potters at 305 where the Jazz Quartet will be playing 2-4 pm
and there is new pottery work by Charlene Anchor, Betsey Cronan, and Reni
Franciscono ...

.... walk up Race to the Urbana Free Library for the visual art of local
children in the elementary fine arts program with Amy Koestrer (Fri & Sat
9am-6pm and Sunday 1-5) ...

... stroll down historic Green Street to the Timothy John Salon at 404 W.
Green to view regional landscape watercolors by Sandra Batzli (Saturday
12-5pm) ...


SATURDAY AFTERNOON - THEATER TRACK
Featured on three stages in the heart of downtown (the weather is expected
to be great!)

- excerpts from Laramie Project by Central High Drama Department at noon

- storytelling by Helen Katz at 1 pm

- theater by the Performers' Workshop Ensemble at 2 pm

- comedy by the Prompting Theater at 3 pm

- performance installation by Ann Coddington Rast between 3:30 to 5 PM
(inside the IMC/post office)

- a script written by the Prompting Theater at 4pm

- excerpts from Pippin by The Station Theater at 5 pm

- Zoo Improv Troupe at 6 pm

- classic TV comedy sketches by the Rantoul Theater Group at 7 pm

Also, games and raffles (tickets at $1), comedy sketches, and all sorts of
fun throughout the whole day.


SATURDAY DINNER:

... Silvercreek at 402 N. Race Street - folk rock artist Ryan Gorff - from
6-8 pm (he is also playing Friday 6-8pm) AND edible art as a collaboration
between artist David Bushman and Silvercreek's pastry chef ...


SATURDAY NIGHT:

... go to the Independent Media Center in the downtown post office
building where the Late Night Space (9pm - 2 am - $5-7) ...

... enjoy live music late into the evening by Alma Afro-Beat Ensemble,
Andrew Dixon, Darrin Drda's Theory of Everything, Environmental
Encroachment, Nu Orbit Ensemble ...


SUNDAY
The art continues and at 1 PM on Sunday there will be a special
presentation by quilt artists Deborah Fell ....


OTHER URBANA LOCATIONS:

High Cross Studio - 11101 N. High Cross Road (Rt 130)
Multiple artists - Sat 10-5 pm

Glass Lake Studio - 2908 E. Main
handblown glass and sculpture, & drawings from Barrie Bredemeier & Hyon
Joo Kim
Glass blowing demo Sat 12-2 pm

Firefly Jewels - 712 S. Maple
Glass torch work of Athan Chilton

N & M Muay Thai & Boxing - 1106 S. Vine (with boxing and Spoken Word
Poetry Fri 5-9pm, Sat & Sun 12-3pm)


View ALL the Boneyard activities throughout the county: www.40north.org
or see the Festival map in last Sunday's edition of the News-Gazette
(buried with all the ads).


enjoy!
Danielle Chynoweth
City Council Member, Ward 2

Ok, I'm still pissed off:

Last Friday I was very excited to give a party for the folks of the IDF in Champaign, as I applied to live and work there this upcoming year. I was all like, "Yay! This will be fun!"
But no.
I arrive, the place is trashed. Trashy trashed. We're talkin' empty alcoholic beverage bottles covering every surface, random bits of garbage--obviously not taken care of in weeks if not months.
I'm thinking, "Okay, if I can make a pretty presentaion out of this situation, gold stars for me."
And get this, the "host" was on the phone making calls to people telling them about the party last minute. WTF???? GAAAAHHHHH!
Regardless, 6 or 7 folks showed up, I gave a KICK ASS presentation, and guess what?
NO ONE BOUGHT A DAMN THING, except for one girl, who bought a sample of lube.
WHY WHY WHY did they even invite me? Make me haul my entire inventory up 3 flights of stairs, sit through my enthralling presentation, and then buy nothing from me? They took me for a joyride and I never want this to happen again.
Friends, how do I prevent such disasters/wasted nights/wasted energy/wasted resources from happening again?
God, I'm so glad I'm not going to live there. I don't know where I am going to live, but it will be in an environment that I will thive in and be inspired by, I'm sure of it.

Hmmm...so, no Chicago show today for the Duke of Uke, which actually works out as I am ill with mucus. There is a show on the 29th which I may or may not be able to attend; I hate feeling flakey.

I'm playing with the Duke of Uke and his Novelty Orchesta on April 13th at the Pint in Chicago!
It's at 1547 N. Milwaukee Ave.
I have no idea where that is!
I hope you all can come out and dance around!
I'll post more details as I get them.


check out band leader Dave King at www.myspace.com/dukeofuke. He's so damn fun.